Where AM I?????

In my “former life” (my life BEFORE kids), I was a paralegal. I remember praying that God would make a way for me to be able to stay home with my baby, and I remember Him doing that in a very unexpected way … a story for another time. I remember walking out of my office for the last time on my son’s 8 month birthday and being AMAZED that I am now a stay at home mom with a worship leading gig on the side. PERFECT.

The first week of my stay at home momness, on a hot summer day, my perfect little baby boy and I were headed out to run some errands. Bag packed, check. Purse, check. Keys, check. Phone, check. Extra clothes for him, check. Extra clothes for me, check. Us mamas know the drill. I put him in his car seat, like I always did, threw my keys down on the front seat and my phone on the console … buckled him in and before I even knew it, SLAM. WENT. THE. DOOR…..WHAT DID I JUST DO? I just locked my 8 month old in a car on a hot summer day, phone in the car, keys in the car … MY PHONE WAS IN THE CAR. My LIFELINE. How could I call my husband now to bring the extra key … and did I even WANT to call him – for SURELY he’d send me back to my office job tomorrow for this little incident – for surely I’ve proven unfit to be a stay at home mom. I knew none of our neighbors – EXCEPT for the kid across the street who cut our grass … so, I walked across the street, feeling torn leaving my baby in the car, but having no choice, and I called my husband from a stranger’s dirty cell phone (I’m a germaphobe), over and over and over and over again until he FINALLY answered an unknown caller. He rescued us within 10 minutes, and he graciously did NOT send me back to the outside working world.

A few years later, my perfect little boy locked us out of our house as we were leaving to go to my daughter’s birthday party … obviously, keys in the house and my phone in the house. AGAIN … MY PHONE (I need to wear it around my neck). So, once again, my three kids and I trekked all over the neighborhood trying to find a neighbor whose phone we could use – and once again, we are calling my mom this time over and over and over – who FINALLY answered an unknown call to hear me in my distress and she rescued us.

I love my phone. I love feeling connected to the people I love and care about – I often use it for good – reaching out to let people know I’m praying for them, checking on them, keeping up with friends throughout the day and of course, I use it A LOT for work as I connect with fellow staff and volunteers. I love, as a stay at home mom with little face to face interaction with adults, feeling like I’m connected to the outside world. When I lay down at night, I grab my phone and scroll through social media, catching up on the day or post pictures from my day so that the cyberworld can know what a “perfect” life I have … in the morning, I wake up, check texts, check email, scroll social media to see what I missed in the 5-8 hours I might have been sleeping, and because it’s my lifeline to the outside world throughout the day, I feel panicked if it’s not near me at all times. PANICKED.

I’ve been convicted of this dependence lately, and my thought process has been WHAT IF I WERE AS PANICKED WHEN I DIDN’T GET TO READ MY BIBLE. What if we were as desperate for God as we are for updates on Facebook … what if we were constantly seeking HIS Word for “updates”; what if we were as desperate to seek HIS approval as we are of our “friends” on social media, obsessively checking our “Like” button for how many people saw and liked our posted pics of our somewhat deceptive cyberworld lives?

Here’s the thing: though we, as humans, may ebb and flow in our relationship with Him, HE NEVER DOES. HE IS CONSTANT – AS THE DAY IS LONG, HE IS THERE. JUST WAITING. As we put EVERYTHING ELSE ahead of Him, HE NEVER LEAVES US. HE NEVER TURNS HIS BACK. HE NEVER GIVES UP ON US. He gently pursues us and calls us with an unrelenting love.

So … where AM I? NOT lost in my phone in an often altered world of social media – at least not as often (I’m a work in progress). My heart is hungry for more of Him … my soul thirsts to be quenched with more of Who He is … and in order to fulfill that, it’s my part to seek Him (Jer. 29:13 “IF you look for Me WHOLEHEARTEDLY, you WILL find Me.” Emphasis added).

Won’t you join me in this challenge? Seek HIM more than Facebook updates … Seek HIS approval more than the approval of men … get to the place where you are DESPERATE to spend your time with HIM, and at peace in HIM instead of trying to be restful in the hands of social media (which is usually panic-INDUCING, if we’re honest).

And now … I am accountable. J

5 thoughts on “Where AM I?????

  1. Jonathan Mann says:

    Thanks for sharing Traci!

    Your blog makes me think how amazing it is just how many app notifications pop up on my phone to pull me back in. The kicker is, I often go tap them and give them my attention, knowing full well they have commercial motives underneath their connective promises. Yet the scriptures call and I too often place them on the back burner for the sake of feeling connected and in the know. What a great reminder your blog post is that God’s Grace continually is offered and available- an eternal App notification waiting to be opened!

  2. Shannon says:

    Thank you for this great reminder on keeping myself accountable in our relationship with Him and seeking Him more each and everyday. So many times life distracts me, my phone distracts me, and gets in the way of me being able to have a closer, deeper relationship with my Father. He gave all for me and yet I do not give all of myself to him, all of the time. Thank you T for sharing your story and encourage me to be more accountable. Great food for thought!!!!

  3. Shannon says:

    -my relationship

  4. Amy Worrell says:

    Love this! Not too long ago I felt convicted as well and made a standing rule that I couldn’t open an app until I first opened my Bible app and read a verse and said a prayer. I’ve drifted from that (again) and am now inspired to pick it back up! Thank you for reminding us how much he craves our hearts!

  5. Angela says:

    Like Amy above, I used to have a rule that I had to read my Bible before checking Facebook. But, if I’m being honest here (and isn’t that what this is all about?) I haven’t done that in a long time… So thanks for making me think about this again. I have a renewed commitment to put God and His word before earthly things like Facebook. So when you see me, ask how it’s going – I could use an accountability partner ( or two, or three…)!

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